You learned to crawl a couple of weeks ago. Real crawling, like zipping-across-the-room-and -into-another-before-I-took-a-sip-of-my-coffee type crawling. Exploring every nook, testing boundaries of furniture, and discovering each room of the house. It is incredibly freeing for you, you smile and pant as you crawl freakishly fast down the hall. You are now mobile, a major step in the baby-to-toddler spectrum. And this time, I was ready. I knew you yearned for this freedom the past two months as you attempted to crawl but would fall down. I felt the frustration and sadness when you needed my help to get from your side to a sitting position because you couldn't quite get there. But now you can do it all by yourself, big boy.
And mommy has had to let go just a bit. To allow you to bump your head as you figure out whether you can fit underneath the couch or against the window leading to a lounging Dexter outside. To keep my distance as you head to rooms that must seem enormous for you - always watching from a distance but not interrupting your enthusiasm at finding new places in our house.
I have such a grand appreciation for motherhood and life and moments that, forgive the Twilight reference, imprint on me. From the instant you took 3 crawls, then 4, then a bunch more on your own, my job as a mommy has changed a bit. I am still the one you crawl to when you're upset, want something, or just want some lovin'. But I am also the one who steps back and watches her baby grow bigger and be able to do things on his own.
Life is busier, a bit more overwhelming (baby proofing....keeping floors extra clean of dog hair that can be eaten....relocating obstacles like my computer and coffee mug that previously could sit on a low table near the floor). These months could easily fly by so I wanted to stop and look around me. Acknowledge the change and how I feel about it. A bit freeing and a bit sad, all wrapped up in a heart that is so proud of her little mover. I can't tell you how adorable your little tush is when you are crawling super fast in footed jammies from the play room to the kitchen. (I bet you're thinking - "gag, and please don't ever show my future wife this comment" .....noted. But it truly is!!)
There will be so many more changes this year and beyond as you continue to assert yourself physically and emotionally. Through your crawling, I have seen the adventurous side of you - how you crawl immediately up to the washing machine to see what the noise is. Or how you will leave both parents in the play room to see what other rooms hold - you turn back to see that we are watching, but you go anyway, there's no stopping you! I have seen your love of Dexter blossom as you crawl after him, gasping in laughs as you attempt to grab his paw as he walks away. And I've seen your inventiveness - as you've created a game where you grab a toy, toss it, then crawl after it only to repeat the routine at least twice more. Smiling and babbling to yourself the entire time.
I love how you complain with squeals of "lady, I'm trying to crawl here!" when I attempt to stop you to put your sock back on or change your diaper. I love how I used to be able to go the bathroom alone, but now I often see a little head poke around the corner with a big grin as if to say, "got ya!." I even love how my knees and legs ache after getting up to follow you all day.
No, every day is not unicorns and rainbows. Because being a mom is a lot of freaking work.
But somewhere between picking up soggy puffs stuck to the rug and attempting to keep you away from Dexter's dog bowls.....between creating mazes of toys and letting you turn the pages of Goodnight Moon (for the fifth time that night), I step back for a moment and feel the rush of "this is so worth it." And that feels good. It's worth it because you are growing and learning and smiling.
And in those moments where you crawl over to me, place your hands on my knees and turn your head up with that magical grin of "hello, mommy, I didn't forget about you and needed a quick hug and kiss". Well, I feel like the luckiest mom in the entire world. Last year, I was waiting for you....this year I have you. I have you and I love you.
happy first day of march munchkin,
mom
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